well.. its been 2 months since my last update, so obviously alot has happened. a fucking lot!
rewind: After the phone call, I gave in and went to see Shane. He was a complete mess, and he begged me to take him back. Being the stupid girl that I am, I agreed, only if we kept it casual... So everything was ok I guess - hence my lack of updates.
so what happened now?
well, it all started when Shane's landlord decided not to renew their lease contract and would have to move out and find another place to live in. No biggie right? But Shane had to live with his grandma for a little while until they find a place, which meant no night visits from me cuz his grandma is uber-conservative. Then, I found out that he made plans to move in with his room mate and a GIRL from his work. At first I didnt mind, I mean, its normal here in this parts of US to have co-ed roomies anyway so I kept my mouth shut. Besides, I kinda knew the girl anyway, she's a friend of a friend and Ive been to a few house parties with her.
But then, out of nowhere, Shane started acting all weird again, it was like the first time we were going out all over again. He was being rude, he wont call me or msg me unless I call or msg him first. I had to make plans just to see him, and then he'll make up excuses..It was that dreaded familiarity and I knew I was going to be in trouble again. and righteo I was.
It all happened so fast.
Thursday Morning: That "girl"messaged me on myspace saying if I wanted to come watch a movie with her (she's being nice since we've hanged out for abit now). I said I'd think about it and see if Shane would want to come. I messaged Shane about it.
Thursday PM: Still no response from Shane. Girl messaged me saying she's changed her mind about the movies and will just see me on the weekend if ever. Since I was all set for the movie, I didnt make any other plans after work.
Thursday 11pm: Shane finally called me saying he didnt get the message till late and he already made plans with one of the boys, apologised and was in a hurry cuz he didnt want "to wake up his grandma"
Friday: Didnt hear from Shane.
Saturday: Still nada from Shane. Didnt feel like going out so stayed home and had a sook. Called him but didnt pick up
Sunday morning: Was out jogging and i ran into a friend and told me that Shane was out with the girl and a few mates last night and he was drunk as. I was flabbergasted! WTF?! I rang him and still didnt pick up. So I did some snooping, and guess what? I found out that last thursday, when he was meant to be with "one of the boys", he was actually out with that girl and get this, they went and watched a movie!!when she went and made plans with me the first place! fuck that! how fucking fucked is that!
I was so angry and fucking frustrated, I got one of my really good guy friends to take me out to the pub that night and drink my anger away. And then wham! I ran into Shane! He was out again! And you know what, that bastard just looked at me all funny, and said an awkward "hello". I was so shattered, I had to get out of there cuz I can feel tears in my eyes. So I bolted out of there, my friend wanted to give him a good beating but I said dont worry about it.
I should have known this was going to happen! I shouldnt have given him that fuckiing chance! Now he's gone and broke my heart again. He didnt even call me after that night. His mate told me that he thought I was out on a date so he didnt want to "interrupt us". So he's making it to be my fault now? Dickhead!! I am so over it! I cant be played like this anymore. I am tired. I really am. I just want it to be over. To move on.
Are we still fucking together? At least have the decency to break up with me! Fuck! Stupid love! I just want to get out of this rollercoaster, round about hell of FUCKING ride!
edit: sorry for the profanities! I just dont know what to think right now, much less do, but to write these feelings of anger and frustration. :(
